as perfect as [日々memo]
'I wanted to know you were as perfect as I thought.'
'And I was right.'
naked.
in front of
it is my memory of my perfect times.
I used to taste it as if I was a cow, or ox.
because it was so sweet then.
drained.
I should rewrite new memory on it.
sweet and bitter [日々memo]
I used to plan to go to his city thousand times.
but he said he would come to see me soon,
so I didn't go there and was waiting him.
But he never came.
I could not go.
We never met.
Nothing ever happened.
sweet and bitter memory.
kiss me [日々memo]
'Your legs are so cold!'
He said and his legs twined around mines.
I liked his long legs and its wormth.
I really liked him,
as if he was my father.
I liked sleeping with him, but it was strange for me...
I liked his wormth and weight though.
Well, he was so good at ..., well, it.
About it, I was so lucky that I enjoyed it so much.
But I wanted kiss someone.
I thought I should not kiss him because he was my father for me.
Under him, I wondered what I did now, and what I should do.
We were very alike, so he knew what I thought. But he was so clever that he never blamed me. because if he did, I would leave him, he thought. (Actually I was not going to do so.)
Simply he stopped kissing me. He really love kissing me though.
I can remember when I slept with him last time, but I cannot remember when I kissed him last time.
Maybe 5 or 6 years ago? I don't know.
To sleep with someone is very easy.
But to kiss someone you really like is very difficult. For me.
That's all.
There is no conclusion.
This is my diary, so its OK.
My iPhone's problem [日々memo]
But I could not. the button disappeared.
I read the manual, and serched on the internet, but I couldn't find the solution.
I knew I should go to the mobile shop, but I don't like going there. It would take so long time.
But finally, I went to the shop yesterday!
It took so long time as I thought, and they could not solved the problem!
they said they had nothing to do with my iPhone, so I should try to 'restore' by iTunes.
So I'm trying to restore my iPhone now. It is taking so long time again.
If I could not solve the problem, I should tell Apple.
I hope my iPhone become all right by restore.
Start [日々memo]
It has been busy these days.
Well, I had been in Edinburgh for 2 monthes last summer. It was so nice city to stay! I love Edinburgh.
And I got a new job in December.
(So I have been so busy.)
And, I had a broken heart in October.(or November? I don't know exactly)
It made me so sick. I know I was so childish! lol
But he really seemed to like me, and I believed in his words.
I like you a lot.
I like you a lot, too!
(It is so happy memory, but it is a little bitter.)
It was really sad, but no-one make anyone love her/him.
They have their minds as I have the one.
To like someone is so interesting and make me so happy, but sometimes it can make me almost destroyed.
Now I'm afraid to like someome too much.
A few happy monthes, then deadly sad monthes.
I had thought the same thing for almost 10 years, and I carefully avoided to give my mind to someone.
I had had a nice boyfriend then, but I never did. He was so nice person and I trusted and liked him, but I knew he was not the right man for me. Because I liked him as if he was my father or brother.
But I finally did it.
And I was broken.
Well, you say why did I do such a stupid thing? Even I knew I should not do so.
Hmm, I don't know. But I thought 'I finally found him'. Somehow, I felt so then.
It sounds so stupid for you, I know.
I myself feel so :) It was so foolish and stupid for my age.
Anyway, I think I'm happy.
I can laugh, joke, see something beautiful, go to shop and buy cute clothes.
I think it would be perfect if I had a boyfriend now, but I know not everyone spend a perfect life.
Perfection not always needs for everyone to be happy. Maybe.
But I hope someday I would like to find a person for me.
Someday, before I die.
